Thursday, February 11, 2010

You snooze, you lose.

Alright, I'm coming clean.

I haven't been attending my Norwegian classes with the kind of dedication and vigor that I was when I first started, I'm not going as much as I could be. Even though I enjoy being there and the learning process that occurs in my classrooms, for whatever reason I feel like my body is a ton of lead in the morning.

Every morning.

Not just once in a while, like oops, should have gone to bed earlier! type thing...every. single. morning. Hours-wise, I get plenty of sleep, but when that alarm goes off and my Husband kisses me good-bye in the morning, which is supposed to be when I must get's pretty much the last thing I want to do.

Like, we're talking please gouge my eyes out if you must, just let me go back to sleep, type attitude.

Then, I ultimately feel supremely guilty when I finally do wake up, knowing I didn't go to class, and it's fast approaching noon. How can I not? Yesterday, in contrast I had a great day: hopped out of bed ad got rolling as soon as my feet hit the floor, and I felt great all day because I was able to do this!

So why can't I just force myself up like that every week day that I have class?

I have no freaking idea.

But I know, that in my great tradition of making resolutions and goals, that I'm done with this. I'll let myself have this weekend to rest late and concentrate on housework and homework...but when Monday rolls around, no mas. I will get up every day and go to class. I will get up every day and go to class.

I think this sleeping thing is just a manifestation of me being down about myself (re: my entry about thankfulness), being somewhere so cold, and now so lonely as five days a week I'm literally the only person at home all day now that my Husband has a grown-up job. It's a hard transition, and it's not like I didn't know it was going to happen, after all that was the point of us moving here -Harald getting a good job in order to take care of our little family...but that doesn't mean it's not hard. He's been working at his new job for just over a week now, and that's pretty much how long my sleeping/class-slacking issue has been a theme.

I've never been one to completely rely on another person for an agenda or hope, but even I have to admit to a certain level of desperation and cluelessness now that it's just me at the homefront, sans Husband, just the animals for company and that freezing cold walk back and forth to class.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
--Philippians 4:13

I've done hard things before, but this is something I'm struggling with. I know I'll make it over this little bump, but I have to be the one to leap over it myself! Even though I'm part of a strong, loving marriage and have a great family to back me up, this is something that I have to see to myself as a woman.
Independence and self-reliance is what I'm talking about here, folks!

Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
--Isaiah 41:10

What motivates you to get through your daily schedule, even on the days when they seem more like climbing Mount Everest than a daily grind?
Expatriates or no, what gives you hope and fosters determination?

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.
--Psalm 31:24