Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Any time now would be great, thanks.

My cup runneth over.

In more ways than one at this point, let me assure you, folks.

I don't mean to complain or whine, please understand that, but I just feel totally overwhelmed by my own life right now. Update? Sure, why not...

Issue#1: Sleep.
Or lack thereof, really. I've had sleep issues my whole life, literally. My chronic nightmares started when I was like six months old, and I've never really gotten over them completely. They're back and in full force, in addition to some hardcore insomnia much like the kind I had when I was still in college.  It's like, if I am actually sleeping, I have nightmares all night and wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all, and or my body is all sore from tossing and turning. Usually though, I'm not sleeping. When I can, it's during mid/late morning when the house is fairly quite, and it's light out (I'm not afraid of the dark, but when I have hardcore night terror issues, sleeping when it's light out feels safer and is easier to do). So as a result, I haven't been to Weegie classes in almost two weeks. I'm going to try and force myself to go tomorrow morning, but it's hard to get up, dressed, walk to school, and ready to speak Norwegian in a great mood when you have trunks of luggage stored under your eyes and your skin is broken out like it's literally never been before in your entire life.
Feeling cute? Not so much lately. No.

House hunting. It's fun, but stressful. Out of the four open houses we've been to and hundreds of listing we've been pouring over for the past few months, only the last open house we attended on Monday was worth going to. It's right behind our church, a little smaller than what we originally had in mind, but a decent price, and really comfy and homey. I'm in love, pretty much. We're meeting with the lending bank on Friday to see if it's even an option financially. Harald keeps warning me not to get my hopes up, stop picking out paint colors for the rooms, and praying to get it so that I won't be devastated if we can't...but it's a bit late for that now! It's true, I'll be more than a little bummed if we have a bad meeting this week.

I don't want to disclose too much, because I want to respect her privacy, but the woman that was a second mother to me growing up has been having health problems for months now, and is going into surgery in two weeks to have an organ removed because of a malignant, cancerous tumor on its surface. Obviously, even if we could swing our finances that way right now, there would be no way for me to get to her and the rest of my family because of the Icelandic volcano issue affecting our airports still. Since I found out, I haven't been able to eat, I keep crying, and I feel intense guilt that I'm so far away from everyone when they need me.
Until I know she's ok, and out from a successful surgery, I don't know how that will all change.

School. I love school. Always have. But I'm feeling really burnt out right about now. I found out recently while talking to my academic counselor that because of all the endorsements/certifications I signed up for in addition to my Masters degree in Education, I won't be done with my program until February 2011. That's with literally NO breaks scheduled whatsoever between now and then. We're talking, when I have a class that ends, it's on a Monday always, and my next class starts the very next day. I'll have my Masters degree and be done with my thesis before September this year, but then my endorsement work starts and I'll be working on that for another five months or so. GUH.
That's of course just Masters work, not Weegie classes. And while there isn't need for extreme rush or push with those (as I'm not paying for them, or getting paid to attend them) and since I have three years from last November to finish my 300-hour requirement to be a Norwegian resident officially. But I need a class that starts with the next academic year in 2010 for a special Weegie/Scandinavian history portion that amounts to 50-hours of my total 300, and that class is only given in the Fall term, and I MUST prep for that. And now, with my lack of proper sleep, I feel like I'm underwater half of the time while I'm awake because I'm so exhausted. Plus, SUPER guilty that I'm missing classes like this. I'm supposed to move up to the highest level of courses they have at my school, and get that moving, but that would require going to class. Between doing what I'm usually doing, a.k.a: keeping the house clean for everyone, doing everyone's laundry, cooking dinner every night, taking care of our dogs and piles upon piles of homework, I just haven't been conscious enough to get all that business done too. And I know I should be managing that and going to classes too, which makes me feel even worse.

It makes me feel guilty that I can't cowgirl up and deal with my own life.

I don't think that any one of these things balancing on my shoulders would be totally life damning or detrimental to my being...IF they were only happening one at a time and by themselves. Since at the moment, I've got all these balls in my court at once, I feel like I'm splintering slowly like ice when it melts.
I've been reading my Bible, and trying to meditate a little to zen out, and at the moments, when I'm doing those things, I feel at peace and relaxed, but not once I'm done with them. I have never been able to deal with stress well in my life(re: I had stress induced stomach ulcers in high school. no joke.), and I know something has to give at some point and I've got to relax somehow. I just don't know how.

Now taking suggestions.