Sunday, April 4, 2010

Not tonight, babe. I'm tired.

Get your minds out of the gutter, people! Not like that.

Now I admit, my dance card has been far from full since I arrived in this country...the fact that I just used that phrase should say a lot right there as to how hip and down with the kids I am these days. Yeah. Well anyway, the Hubs got a call from his best friend about going out with a small group of people tonight, at his bestie's cousin's house to have a few drinks and just you know, hang.

Well I wasn't lying when I told Harald that I was exhausted today, I have lady reasons and everything! But I could tell he was a bit disappointed when the issue came up after dinner, posing that famous "so are we going out or what?" question. Harald picked up a few six packs and everything earlier today in the few short hours that the shops were open...neither of us are huge drinkers or party animals anymore or anything, but Harald definitely enjoys seeing his friends that he didn't get to be with for years on end while he was living in the States. And he definitely could see I did not want to leave the house tonight...or my jammies...or the comfort of oodles of downloaded American television shows on my laptop (Big Love, YAY!).
So after no small amount of coercing, assuring him I was in fact fine with the idea, then finally commanding him to leave and go have fun, he left without me, vowed to be back in a few hours and give everyone my greetings and excuses for my absence.
It just was not one of those nights for me...you know, those, interact with other humans type nights.

I've never been a huge introvert though, readers. Out of all three of us I have always been the one among my siblings that would meet and chat with people in any given setting and was far from shy...often just plain loud. I've always loved people, and chatting, even performing, singing, and speaking in front of groups. But I'm also a person that has no problem being alone. As in, just me and my puppies alone. I enjoy it on occasion, and when I get into the mood, it's all I want; time and space to think, read, watch movies, or even just talk to myself and hatch things out. (Also something I've always done, as in since I could talk, I've talked to myself. I've always been o.k. with it, never speaking in response to the commands of my neighbor's dogs, the buzzing off-air television, or to Captain Howdy or anything, just something I do to relax when I'm alone. Totally sane stuff, I promise.)

So the events of tonight though really got me thinking once I waved to my Husband pulling out of the driveway to hang out with his friends while still safely in my slippers: I'm feeling a real conundrum here, because obviously I would love to have friends in this country, as I really don't have any of my own, just a few that are my Husband's that I know by proxy. Generally speaking I'm slung somewhere between antisocial and party-girl and any given point, but all the way a lone wolf right now, as all my good friends (all being a loose term, as there are only really a handful or less to begin with) live in the States, thus I can't see or talk to them every day.

It's hard to not feel like a loser sometimes, those times when I actually would like to hang out with someone that isn't related to my Husband, or isn't my Husband (no offense, babe!)...but it's not an easy task when you're in a country that doesn't necessarily speak your native language, and you're not a super conventional girl to begin with...

(Disclaimer: I'm not bragging here. I'm pretty anti-boasting generally speaking. I'm just being a realist. Ask anyone who knows me in person, I'm a little different. Example: I collect antique portraits, Victorian grief memorabilia, and have aspirations of being an organic farmer. I like to think of it as endearingly eccentric type different, not like scary homicidal maniac different.)

How do you get out there and make friends in a new country like this? Friends that I won't put off with my quirks and what not. Friends I have something in common with would be nice...and that didn't mind speaking English mostly...sometimes, I feel like it will never happen, and I'll just have to wait up at odd hours to talk to my Stateside buddies when they're actually awake forever. Norwegian girls generally (NO OFFENSE TO BE TAKEN HERE. OK? THANKS.) seem to be kind of stuck up, and conventional ladies...I feel like I already get looked down perfect Scandinavian noses a lot for what I'm wearing, or that I'm speaking English in public, or laughing out loud in public (God forbid! But it doesn't seem to happen much here really). They all seem so pretty, clear-skinned, and put together like they're late for an editorial shoot. Not like the type of girls that would want to discuss 18th century literature or hunt down antique taxidermied critters with me...let alone dig in the dirt to grow things, make vegan Indian Korma or cuddle up and watch old movies with.

I love my Husband. And our marriage is amazing and great and all those things...but I feel totally friendless. And that does not make life any sweeter or easier, great marriage or no.

I can't help but feel a little alone here. Alone and at odds. I can't help who I am, what I like to wear, eat and do...and you know I wouldn't even try, because really I like who I am as a person and I'm comfortable with me...I just have to find other people that will be too.

Much easier said than done.