Monday, June 18, 2012

You can't make stuff like this up.

You know why living in the country is awesome?

Because if you lived in town, and a woman who is 8-months pregnant, wearing only a Run DMC t-shirt and some undies ran down the road barefoot chasing a naughty Scottish dog, with blood running down her face, someone would probably call the police...

Or the local paper, really.

But out here, in our beautiful rural area, there aren't any neighbors visible from our yard. (Unless they are actually coming up our drive.)

So thankfully, so no one got to see that spectacle that I just mentioned, that yes, actually happened just a few hours ago.

Because I get enough unwanted stares/attention around these parts for being 'the American'...I don't think I could have endured a police report, and/or media attention from our local media.

Ready for a story?

You all remember that darn crow that was plaguing us by knocking on the patio door?

Well now he's not only getting off on knocking and generally being annoying nearly every morning, but also on tormenting our dogs.

In an effort to try and prepare our precious pups for the arrival of our little one in a couple months, we've started putting them in their crates, in a cozy nook of the living room overnight, instead of letting them sleep in bed with us, as they've been used to their whole lives...since we'll be co-sleeping with an infant soon and don't want the bed to be dangerously crowded when she's so little...
And yes, this change of sleeping venue has been met with resistance.

Mostly from Gatsby, who is completely shocked over the injustice of sleeping like an animal.

Daisy will actually fall right asleep, and though I know she prefers sleeping in bed with us, she can easy snooze without complaint all night in her to Gatsby who will cry and howl for me to come get him for at least a few hours every night.

So anyway, their crates just happen to be placed in direct line of sight to the door that the crow is so into...

So now, he will not only start knocking, but then just sit in front of the door, or on the railings of the deck and essentially mock the dogs for not being able to get to him...

Our dogs don't meet this kind of rudeness lying down...or silently. That's for sure.

So me trying to sleep in after the Hubs leaves for work in the morning?

Not really happening.

With both dogs desperately digging at their respective crate doors, and barking their loudest ON TOP of the crow knocking, I just threw in the towel this morning and got up around 8:00am.

So I headed out to the living room to liberate those livid dogs, and of course they both nearly plowed me over trying to get to the deck door...where the crow was preening himself and laughing from the railings...

If I hadn't been so frustrated, without contact lenses or pants, and half asleep, I probably would have realized that immediately opening that deck door and letting them raise much anticipated hell on that bird wasn't the best idea...

Because they took off...well, to be fair, Daisy took off. Gatsby lost interest once the crow started gaining altitude.

Figuring that even our stubborn Scottie would soon lose steam chasing after the bird, I went to the bathroom and put in my contacts...then wandered back towards the living room, where through our big picture windows, I see Daisy running full tilt down the road, still barking and enraged with that you-know-what bird.

It was about this time, that I figured I didn't have time to find a pair of pajama pants to slip on before Daisy really got out of sight...this was also about the time my nose started bleeding.

So I slip on some gardening clogs left by the door, and run down the deck steps, through the front yard, down the driveway and through our iron drive hand bracing my huge belly, the other one attempting to catch the blood pouring down my face.

Well thankfully I only had to open our drive gate and then head a few more steps past it before my hysterical screams to Daisy got through to her, and she turned around and headed home without further incident.

As the Hubs always says when I relate stories like this to him that occured while he was at work:

"Why does stuff like this only happen when you're home alone?! You can't make stuff like this up!"

Word, Hubs.

And that's why I had a king-size candy bar for breakfast today...

Thank the Lord for simple Lion 2-pack candy bars with peanuts.

Well, I sat down and ate it after I had both dogs safely inside, pajama pants finally put on, demonic bird dispersed, and blood flow controlled.

How's that for a Monday story, people?

Have an amazing, but slightly less eventful week, darling readers!